Dylan Makemson

Oh, Dylan. You are one of the greatest people I have ever known. I wish I could have met you sooner than I did, but at least I met you, right?

The first time we met was at The Junction. I was on Lortab. Kenny and Andrew said I wouldn't remember you, and I was determined I would. Guess what? They were right.

When we all made a fort in the basement, you told Becca and I a story. I didn't realize how hilarious you are until then. You're one of the funniest people I have ever met. And when you and Codi make fun of each other, it kills me. In a good way.

To be honest, you surprised me with how deep you are. And how kind, and sincere, and genuine. I didn't expect it. Not because I don't think you could be those things, but because I only saw your funny side. It was a pleasant surprise.

Would you like to know why you're on my list?

Because you make me laugh. Because you give sincere compliments. When you told us that you think every girl is beautiful, that meant a lot. When you told us why each girl is beautiful, that meant even more. I've always been self-conscious about my voice when I talk, and that changed when you told me you like my voice, both singing and talking. I've never heard that one before. And thank you for telling me that I pull off this hairstyle. That gives me confidence, something I haven't had for a while.

I love that you are so strong in the church. It's inspiring. You love it so much.

I'm so glad you're coming back to USU after your mission. I know people come into your life for a reason, no matter how long or short the time period is, but I don't want our friendship to be a short one. I hope it lasts a really long time.

I hope you know how amazing you are.

Thank you.

Codi Taylor

You have one of the best voices I have ever heard. I'm so glad you moved to our floor! You have no idea how much you have influenced me. I would have never had the guts to call your voice coach and make lessons. I can't believe I even had the guts to sing for you! It's changed my life. 

You are one of the nicest people I have ever met. You care about everyone, and you have such a positive outlook on life. Even when you're sad about something, you make the best out of life. I love hanging out with you, because you're so fun to be around. And you're so talented! You have an amazing voice, you're great at the piano, and you have a gift when it comes to hair and makeup. Seriously, you're incredible. I'm so thankful to have you in my life. I'll miss you blasting your music and singing at the top of your lungs. I'll miss your bantering with Dylan. I'll miss helping you pick what clothes to wear, and having you make me look pretty by doing my makeup. 

I hope that even though we won't be neighbors next year, we'll still hang out. I want to come see your apartment so I can be jealous of how cute it is.

I hope you know how important you are to me, and how much of an impact you've made in my life. You're great!

Love,

Me.

Brant Stanley

I don't really know how to say all this without you thinking it's weird, but you're going to think that anyway, so here goes.

First of all, can I just tell you that I decided that I don't know if I should believe you about your emperor grandpa? Thinking back to all the BS stories we've told each other, this one is starting to sound kind of sketchy.

I love that the first time we met, I convinced you that I was from Texas and that my family was rich. I can't believe you fell for it. I'm so glad you did, though, because it makes for an excellent story.

I don't know if you remember this, but that first night when we all hung out and we played Ten Fingers and the question game, you said something to me that meant a lot. The question was something along the lines of what we wanted most. My answer was to find love (yes, very corny) because I didn't believe that I would. And then you told me that it would happen, you were sure of it. That really meant a lot. I bet you didn't know that.

And then, you gave me a freaking amazing hand massage.

And remember last semester, the last day of the break? You came and watched TV with me and Sherry. Then you came over and watched Psych with me the next morning. I loved that.

Honestly, I consider you one of my best friends. You're a pain sometimes, but hey, no one's perfect.

I'm so glad you started to hang out with us. You've been so influential in my life, and so important. You listen when I talk to you, and you're usually almost kind of always mostly honest. :)

Just having you as my friend has been so nice. Comforting, in a way. No matter how many times you make me mad, I still want you to come hang out. It must be your irresistible charm, or the fact that you're so tall.

I'm really sad that you're leaving. I don't really know how to accept the fact that once this year ends, I'll probably never see you again. You've made an impact on my life, so not having you around is going to suck.

Basically, I want to thank you. For being so great. And for caring. And for being my friend. I'll miss you a lot, and I hope you know how much you mean to me.

Mackenzie Clyde

The first time we met was at Soar. Remember, we were in the same group? We sat next to each other in the little circle, but we didn't really talk to each other. In fact, I forgot about it until the next time I met you, when you were sitting on Becca's bed one of the first days of first semester. I don't remember if I brought it up right away, but we eventually talked about how we were in Soar together. I remember thinking that you, Becca, and Kira all came here together, because you all seemed like you'd been friends for years. That's why I was so surprised to find out that you had just met Becca earlier that day.

Anyway.

I am so glad we became friends, Kenz. You're such a great person. You always tell the truth, no matter what. You care so much about your friends. You're welcoming and friendly, and you're always willing to listen. I'm so thankful for our friendship.

I wish you would be more willing to experience life, and to have fun and do things you'll only get to do once. Life goes by so fast, and I may be wrong, but I feel like you haven't done as many awesome things as you can. Sometimes, making late night trips to Betos or Walmart really can be more fun than watching One Tree Hill! :)

I hope you know how much I love you. I'm glad we are going to be living in the same apartment complex next year, because I don't plan on ending our friendship anytime soon! You've helped me become a better person in so many ways.

And for that, you will forever be in my heart.

Eleven Days.

There are eleven days left until our first year of college is over. It's kind of a surreal feeling, and I don't know how I feel about it. I don't mind school and classes and homework being over, but I don't want everything else to end. I don't want to end our daily trips to Walmart, or the nights we make muddy buddies. I don't want the sleepovers to end. I don't want the deep conversations and The Question Game to end.
And I definitely do not want to be separated from my friends.
I have made the greatest friends this year. They have all changed my life.
And for these last eleven days, I am going to spotlight the eleven that have made the biggest impact on me.
The eleven that I will remember forever.
I love you guys.

Life.

If you don't want to hear me talking about myself, stop now.

And by hear, I mean read.

I'm sitting in the hallway again. Just like I was on April 11th.
Only this time, it's not even two a.m.
And I don't have food.
But, much like last time, I'm just going to be spewing off my thoughts as I think them.

I'm in the hall because Becca is trying to sleep, and I don't want to wake her. She's been really tired today.
Before she went to sleep, she asked me if I'm okay with everything. She didn't have to specify what 'everything' was. I know exactly what she's talking about.
And, the honest answer is, I don't know.

Some days are great. Some days aren't. That's normal, isn't it?

It's just that there are moments that can turn my whole day around and can make an awesome day feel like it was thoroughly awful.
Like when I'm alone in my room, doing whatever, perfectly content with life. I see one of my friends at my door, and my day brightens.
Then, they ask where Becca is.
Because they didn't come to see me.
And that kind of hurts sometimes.

I don't blame them, though. I love Becca. She's the kind of person who is friends with everyone. She's talented like that. I'm proud to be her roommate.

I just feel like a convenience, that's all. The convenient friend. No one really thinks of me as a best friend, or a Number One, or a special somebody. I've gotten used to it over the years, but now that I actually live with my best friends, this realization kind of blows.
No, this is not a pity party. At all.

You know what else blows?
I can't feel the spirit. That scares me.
I used to feel it so strongly. Not every second, but enough to let me know that He is there.
I don't feel it anymore. Now I just feel lost. Confused, scared, stressed, sad. I don't know what to do.
Maybe I feel these things because I haven't slept more than fifteen hours this whole week. If that.

I'm going to miss these people so, so much. I don't think any of them realize how much they all really mean to me.

And as for what my best friends are worried about, with what I'm going through and how unhealthy I've been, I'm sorry. I don't do it for attention. I don't do it so someone will help me. I don't do it. It just is. I don't know how else to explain it. Unless you've been there and felt all these things, you'll never fully understand.
I hope none of you are ever going to experience it.
In my mind, I know what I'm doing isn't right. But that doesn't seem to make a difference.
Because it just takes over, and I can't stop it.
So I can't promise you that use more of my meals, or that I'll go to less FFF classes.
But I can promise you that I'll try.

Today's as great as chocolate cake.

You know what I love? Writing letters. That's what I thought about today instead of paying attention in class.
I also thought about sleeping, but that's beside the point.
I decided that I want a pen pal. A permanent one that I can write for the rest of my life.
You'll never guess who I came up with.
Just guess.
No, really, guess.
..............
My sister. Ha! Isn't that the most original thing you've ever heard? No? Fine.
I'm pretty pleased with my idea. I actually just sent my first letter to her.
So there.

You know what else I love? Brushing my teeth. I do it all the time, and that's probably not a good thing.
I basically have a sort of ritual when it comes to this activity. While I'm brushing, I make my bed. Or I check my facebook. Or I walk around. Then, when I'm done, I drink some water. Putting on chapstick comes afterward.
Yes, that is my routine. I repeat it several times a day.

I also love the fact that it's getting warmer outside. I was sick of all that snow.

I love my friends as well. All of them. Every single one.
In fact, I want to spotlight one of them, just because.
Arianna Larkin. If you have not met her and become friends with her, you will never die happy. Honestly, she is one of the greatest people I have ever met. She's nice to everyone. Literally. And she is always happy, and always wants to do fun things. I can't help but smile and be happy when I'm around her. It's a bummer we didn't become good friends until this semester, because I definitely would have loved being friends with her last semester. I'm so glad we're friends. I don't think she knows how thankful I am for her.

Last but not least, I love music. I just found a song I used to love, love, love.

21 minutes left of quiet hours.

It's just after five in the morning. I got home from watching a movie with my dear friend Tom about twenty minutes ago.
Yes, that is how I live my college student life. By starting a movie at two thirty in the morning.
I'm dead tired. Flat out exhausted. But instead of going to sleep, you know what I'm doing?
I am sitting in the hallway, eating the remnants of cookie dough ice cream and cream cheese frosting. Blogging.

Yes, that is my crazy lady hair.
Why do I have this delicious, non-nutritious, sugar overloaded food, you ask?
Because I made birthday dinner for Katie and Whitni. I also made cake.
Right when I got back home to Logan, I went to the basement and started cooking. Honestly, I loved it. Not because I particularly love cooking, but because I love doing things like that for people that I love.
But don't get me wrong, I love to cook.
I had a whole bunch of supplies and food and cook books that my parents gave to me for this occasion before I left.
Why was I with my parents, you ask?
Because I went home Saturday afternoon. Not dad-home, but mom-home. That's 260 miles away. Which really isn't bad, now that I'm typing it.
I went home not only because I miss my family like crazy, but because my beautiful niece was getting blessed in the LDS church. My church. It was so great.

There is no baby as beautiful as Berkleigh.
Sacrament meeting was actually rather humorous. When the bishop announced the blessing of Berkleigh, I was the one holding her, and she has my middle name, so everyone assumed she was my child. Okay, just the old people who didn't really know anything about us.
But really, do I look like I just had a baby? Thanks, old lady who congratulated me on my beautiful child. Your gray hair looks real snazzy.
Even though I was at my mom's for less than 24 hours, it was just what I needed. I loved being with all of my sisters.

It may be blurry, but that's us. Pretty much insane, but not clinically. Yet.
It was also pretty entertaining to have my three year old cousin test her photography skills using people's phones. She had some pretty unique ideas when it came to posing. I was perfectly happy to play along.

I was pretty much exhausted the whole time I was there.
WHY, YOU ASK?
Because I stayed up until five thirty the previous night talking to Tom.
Well, listening to Tom talk.
We all built a fort in the basement Friday night after Zombie Prom, which was actually really fun. I think the fact that we were dressed up like Zombies contributed to the fun factor a LOT.
All in all, a really great weekend.
Maybe sometime in the next couple years I'll catch up on all my lost sleep.
But first, I have got to stop eating ice cream and frosting at five in the morning.

Burn.

In all my life, I have never been filled with such strong feelings of hate and disgust toward a person. I'm not one to have any negative feelings toward people, let alone strong ones. But sometimes, there are people who are scum. There are people who are nothing more than the dirty, chewed-up gum that you scrape off of your shoe. There are people who, when you thought have crossed every line you imagined there was, they cross the lowest one of all. This kind of person is nothing but nothing. This person is the kind of person you hope gets everything that's coming to them, and more. This is the kind of person that I hate. That I despise. That I loathe. That I am completely disgusted with. There is no one on the planet that is lower or more pathetic than this person.
Nikholas Ledger, I hope this finds you.
And I hope you get what you deserve.

I prayed, and then I stumbled.

I'm envious of the people who can be themselves, who know who they are, and are completely sure of it. I always have been. I want to be like that, but somehow, I just can't.
So, I prayed for the strength to be that way.
Then I directed myself to stumble.
And I found this.

“Look at you. You’re young. And you’re scared. Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring what other people think. Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Play it loud as heck and dance to it. Go out for a drive at midnight and forget that you have school the next day. Stop waiting for Friday. Live now. Do it now. Take risks. Tell secrets. This life is yours. When are you going to realize that you can do whatever you want?”

I don't know who said that, but they are bloody brilliant.
Who would have thought that stumbleupon answers prayers?